Love & Compatibility Articles

The I-Ching Master Guide: Interpreting the 64 Hexagrams of Change

January 20, 2026 | Cleo Divine

Consulting the I-Ching is a dialogue with the Tao. Each of the 64 hexagrams represents a specific combination of Yin and Yang energies, providing a snapshot of the current flow of the universe.

Synastry vs. Composite Charts: How Astrology Maps Relationship Destiny

January 7, 2026 | Cleo Divine

Astrology offers two distinct but complementary lenses for viewing a relationship: Synastry and the Composite Chart. While Synastry focuses on the immediate "spark" and psychological triggers between two people, the Composite Chart reveals the destiny and purpose of the relationship as its own living entity.

Synastry is the practice of overlaying one person's natal chart onto another's. It maps the "inter-planetary" aspects - the angles formed between Person A's Sun and Person B's Moon, for example. This is the astrology of attraction, reaction, and friction.

The I-Ching: 5,000 Years of Ancient Wisdom

December 24, 2025 | Cleo Divine

Consult the ancient sages. Learn how the I-Ching's philosophy of change can bring profound clarity to your relationships and life decisions.

Synastry Decoded: The Ultimate Astrology Compatibility Manual

December 20, 2025 | Cleo Divine

Stop settling for Sun sign basics. Learn the professional techniques of Synastry to see exactly how your natal chart aligns with your partner for love and longevity.

Sacred Relationships

January 10, 2012 | Julie Redstone

Sacred relationships are very different, for they are based on the interaction of two souls with one another who aspire to, and are beginning to have the capacity to share life with each other from the standpoint of the soul.

This soul-perspective is available to each of us, for it is who we are at the most fundamental level. Our soul rejoices in the individuality and uniqueness of each blade of grass, each ray of light, and each individual being. Our soul-self does not need another to restore comfort to us since it is embedded in, and embraced by, the fullness of God's love. This is why, at the level of the soul, we are able to be with others in a freer way, and to set others free to be themselves.

To move to this level of the sacred in our relationships with others is difficult for many because it requires a letting go by the ego - a letting go that cannot be an act of thought or of will, but that is made possible by an anchoring in our relationship with the Divine. Such anchoring, which brings to us an inner source of nourishment rather than an outer, does not mean that we no longer need relationships, but rather that we may seek them for different reasons.

Instead of using relationships to cover our own emptiness or to mask our fear, we can cherish them for the expansion they bring to our hearts and souls and for the richness of life they make possible. Relationships offer an opportunity for sharing love in a very deep way, not only for each other, but for God.

When the heart has become free enough of ego-influences (need-desire-want-fear) to do this, relationships can truly become sacred. For a central aspect of a sacred relationship is the integrity and wholeness that each participant brings to it, and the fundamental root of such wholeness is one's experience as a soul - a part of the Oneness of all that is.

The heart that is free can set others free. The heart that longs for the sacred can begin within each particular relationship to create a sacred life. This is the path to the future, and it is built, step by step, out of love.

Julie Redstone is a teacher, writer, and founder of Light Omega, a center for spiritual teaching and healing in Western Massachusetts. The purpose of Light Omega is to create an understanding of the sacred transition into light that the Earth is presently going through and the changes this will bring to individual and planetary consciousness. To learn more about sacred relationships see Meditations on Love and Letting Go, and also Sacred Relationships.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Julie_Redstone

Sacred Relationships: Divine Source

January 9, 2012 | Barbara Rose, Ph.D.

This is a time where "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" plays its greatest role.

There will be more of a shared sense of purpose, a shared spiritual service in whatever form of service you chose to come into this life to express, however, in this new relationship paradigm or view, you will no longer have a "war between the sexes" but will honor each other as equal spiritual beings.

The games of old no longer work, and quite frankly, the reason why they never worked was because many of your societies and cultures have conditioned you to react and respond, rather than be and be pure, transparent, and genuine with all of your intentions.

So in this new relationship view on Earth, you can have more open telepathic communication, more of a "knowing" that does not need words to be expressed, and more of a spiritual intimacy that transcends the purely physical intimacy, however, physical intimacy will continue to be as delightful and pleasurable, even more so as you share purely.

2. How does this differ from the relationships we have had in the past?

Typically, chaos and discord seem to precede newfound clarity and resolution. So you might see an increase in the divorce rate, as you outgrow the one you may be with, while you are aligning with your Higher purpose, and your partner does not support your spiritual growth.

Many of the relationships you have had in the past seemed to require "vows" - forever. In this new view, the relationships will allow for personal freedom on all levels. "Faithfulness" will come from one's genuine heartfelt desire to be with you, rather than a legally imposed order - that as you may surmise, has not really worked in your societies anyway.

As you and your partners awaken on all levels, you will not be able to keep secrets from each other, because you will literally be able to read the other person's mind.

So there will be a special level of intimacy that will be experienced as your genuine desires are both known, and respected.

During this transition, it is imperative that you learn how to verbally communicate anything that you may feel, so that it can be cleared up immediately.

Another area will be sexual preferences and desires. Certainly sex will continue to be most pleasurable, however, you may not feel the "need" for as much physical sex, however, when you DO have sex, it will be a sacred and spiritual merge, and quite powerful to say the least. The "power" will come from its purity. The passion will erupt, and you will engage in sacred sexuality that transcends they now typical "one night (empty) stand."

Know that it will be and feel far more powerful and real than what has previously been the norm with respect to your experiences, which will make it that much more delightful. However, in some cases, you may not feel this "need" to merge on this more physical level, but when you desire to do so, expect it to be more powerful.

3. Why is this change taking place?

Because you are awakening to your spiritual nature, and as a result your physical experiences will evolve and awaken along with your spiritual experiences.

Once you grow and awaken on a certain level, you really cannot go backwards in your evolution or awakening.
All is motivated by pure love.

Being that your essence is pure love, you (as humanity) are awakening to your highest expression of Self, and are more consciously becoming one with Divine Source, so naturally as you become more conscious or awakened, your physical life, and relationships are naturally going to follow suit.

This is a positive awakening, and you did choose to come into this world of form to awaken on all levels, to know that you are not, nor could you ever be separated from Divine Source, so you will begin to experience more of a pure, unconditional love for all, equally, and transcend the view that "your partner" is more "special" than any other spiritual being.

As you awaken to this fact, ALL of your relationships become sacred, because you are all One.

4. How can I change my perspective to adjust to this new paradigm?

View every single being as if you are viewing yourself. Make no separation between "you" and "them" because there is no separation that is all within the erroneous thought system stemming from ego.

So as you act towards another, first before any action, or non-action, ask yourself just one question: Would I like it if this person behaved this way towards me?"

That is the ONLY question that you need to ask yourself, and this will spare you from much unnecessary discord, confusion, and it will certainly spare you from most of the pain you go through in the outmoded views that have been lodged within your cellular memory that you have carried over from lifetime to lifetime.

If you can remember to simply view each person, as if it were YOU, then you will adjust to this new paradigm, and you will find much more inner peace and joy with respect to all of your relations, with every sacred spiritual being on Earth.

5. What will happen if I make this adjustment?

You will come to know an inner and outer peace that you may have never experienced before. You will feel a sacred connection to all people, and will feel the oneness that you share with all of humanity, as you may have felt this shared sense of "oneness" with just one "special" person.

Now, you will feel this interaction with all people, and it will bring you a great deal of joy with respect to how you both relate to, and are treated by others.

Please realize that all "others" are truly a part of you.
It may take many to adjust to this new view, however, this is the next step into awakening to your Divine heritage while still in a physical life.

In truth, you are all One, so now you can play this out on the physical level, and marvel at the results that come from Love on every level of your life.

6. How are the roles between men and women changing now on the Spiritual level?

They are becoming more of a shared spiritual experience. They are beginning to be perceived as spiritual humanity, rather than "man and woman."

This is the truth, and as all truth is eternal, you will come to find that as your views begin to evolve and awaken, the "war between the sexes" will cease.

You will look for common ground in your spiritual heritage, that will carry much more meaning than motives based on physical means to the ego's trap of a perceived victory or end.
So you will slowly adjust and actually LOVE the awakened way much more so than they ways of old that were created by your egos.

As a result, you will feel much more inner peace, and the confusion that used to prevail in relationships will be transformed to a spiritual sacred shared experience, which will help you to experience the bliss and joy of Home, that is within your soul memory.

You will begin to feel "at home" again while in your physical life, and that feeling is one of PURE BLISS, heart-centered Joy, and Divine Love that will permeate every level of your life.
So as you awaken to this level, naturally the roles between men and women will transform to match your new awakening, and what a Joy that will be for you, and for all of humanity!

The above is a partial chapter excerpt from the book "Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE" by Barbara Rose, Published by The Rose Group

ISBN: 0974145742

Barbara Rose, PhD. most widely known as "Born To Inspire" is the best selling author of "Know Yourself", "If God Hears Me, I Want an Answer!", "Stop Being the String Along", "If God Was Like Man" and Individual Power. She is an internationally recognized expert in the field of personal transformation, relationships and spiritual awakening. Barbara is a pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication, the study and integration of humanity?s God-Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution. Her highly acclaimed books, public speaking events, tele-seminars, widely published articles, and intensives have transformed the lives of thousands across the globe. She is the founder of IHSC -Institute of Higher Self Communication, inspire! Magazine and Rose Humanitarian Alliance. Barbara holds a Ph.D. in Metaphysics and works in cooperation with some of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time, to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity. Visit her website http://www.borntoinspire.com

Are Women From Utopia And Men From Wal-Mart?

November 30, 2011 | Allie Ochs

In contrast, the "superior" male sex has been praised for its Wal-Mart attributes of being realistic, practical, efficient and logical. Consequently, men still run the country, hold most of the assets and control the majority of public and economic affairs. Yet, men experience their own stress in a competitive world that expects them to be the pillar of their families. Many men are still programmed to be the sole economic provider in their families and suffer their own anxieties. Feeling the pressure of maintaining an affluent lifestyle or even just making ends meet, many become workaholics, grow bellies, lose their hair and become candidates for heart attacks. Both men and women alike experience stress trying to be super-humans in a society in which they feel they never quite "cut it."

Preoccupation with the differences often prevents men and women from asking each other for help. Consequently, both suffer silently through their own pain blaming each other for their differences and lack of understanding: "Men are never this" and "Women are always that." As a result of the generalization of their differences, men "shut down" and women turn to friends, therapy or medication. The outcomes are unfulfilling, frustrating relationships that increase stress or even lead to divorce. Consequently, we wonder whether men failed women, or vice versa.

So much effort and money has been spent (and made) on exaggerating emotional, intellectual and communicative differences between the sexes that we indeed believe ourselves to be from different planets. We must look beyond the differences and realize that women cannot live without Wal-Mart, nor can men live without utopia. Women need Wal-Mart for the practical, logical and task-oriented aspects of their lives and, in fact, may be shopping at Wal-Mart more often than men. On the other hand, men need utopia to experience all the beauty and humanity of life, and are visiting utopia more frequently than they admit. We are all from the same planet. It is about time we bridged the gap between the sexes and realized that we are human beings with many of the same needs, desires, dreams and hopes.

Whatever the case may have been in hunting-and-gathering societies of the past, today we are all hunting for the same things. Men and women alike are hunting for love, happiness, validation and prosperity, and are gathering whatever they feel is necessary to achieve this. Now, more than at any other time, men and women need each other in the pursuit of these common goals.

Do we really think that investing in gender stereotyping encourages successful relationships? Today, both sexes seek to be loved and accepted, instead of being labeled. Do we really think that lovers connect, because they have figured out their gender differences? Love flourishes when both move beyond gender differences and rejoice in their commonalities. True love is based on mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity all of which promote the human potential of both sexes and allow for interaction without judgment.

Men and women are indeed living as if they are from different planets and often do not connect intimately as human beings. Gender differences have been analyzed to death, and we may never be able to understand a man or woman. However, we will always be able to understand and respect a human being once we realize that we are all human beings first and men or women second. Inside each of us, men and women alike, lies a vulnerable soul, the desire to love and be loved, the need to be validated, respected and to feel important. Regardless of gender, deep down we all have a fragile ego that often feels inferior. Recognizing that both sexes have many of the same vulnerabilities and strengths is the key to men and women relating to one another on a human level.

We need to free each other from the gender roles that society has cast upon us and start focusing on the ties that bind us. The commonalities between men and women are so much greater than their differences. As we change our attitudes towards each other, we will be able to relate to one another on common ground. Lasting love is only possible when we appreciate that our focus on gender differences has been of great disservice. For any relationship to become a stable and lasting anchor in our lives, we must learn to give up our pride and unrealistic expectations of each other. If we are to find true love in this misunderstood world of males and females, we must stop trying to figure out the opposite gender and focus on the human being inside.

© 2005 Allie Ochs, Relationship Expert, Coach, Speaker and the Author of ?Are You Fit To Love?? ISBN 0-9720227-9-1. Her articles are published in numerous magazines and newsletters. She has appeared on radio and TV. To order her book or to take the Fit 2 Love! Test visit her website at http://www.fit2love.com. For FREE relationship/dating advice e-mail: askallie@fit2love.com

Are You Fit To Date?

November 30, 2011 | Allie Ochs

Misrepresentation on the Internet is big. Janice, a fitness enthusiast, was excited about her e-mail exchange with Rob, who seemed to share her interest. They wrote about mountain biking and golfing. Janice never asked when he last engaged in these activities. When they met, it was obvious that he was not fit. He was a happy couch potato, who wanted to impress Janice. What a waste of time. In face-to-face dates, we goof up as we quickly seize up our date. That silly tie with comic characters he is wearing, 10 strikes against him. We are done! The magic chemistry didn't happen. We never find out that Mr. Comic Tie runs a successful business, is a great person with loyal family relations. He has the character we are looking for, but we couldn't get past that silly tie. We are not fit to date. We are ill equipped to manage dates and to ask pertinent questions. In spite of abundant dating advice, most never move beyond the facade.

What type of dater are you? If you are a recreational dater, you are playing the field. It feels good to be wanted and even better to choose. You dated so many, but even if you like someone, you can't move ahead. Someone better might come along. Why should you settle for Jack, if you can meet Joe tomorrow? If you are a mission dater you are serious and discriminating. You should easily bypass those who don't qualify no matter how gorgeous. Yet, the opposite is the case. Even serious daters are distracted by superficial attributes and end up with the wrong person.

Most singles are decent human beings, yet we don't give each other a chance dismissing people in a snap. The most vital attribute for a healthy relationship is character. Just ask someone who is happily married. Today, we skip over character and go for the superficial stuff. And that has to change! If you are serious, you mean business. You are tired of wasting your time and ready to change, right? Bottom line: nothing will change until you change. Put in another way: everything changes when you do.

4 important changes you can make right now:

BE TRUTHFUL in your profile. This is huge. When you mingle in the singles market, you paint your best picture. Putting your best foot forward doesn't mean inflating your image. There is only one of you. No need to create a second identity.
My client showed me his profile. I am not kidding, but the person in front of me was not the same. He told me that his 3 children live with him, but in his profile he claimed to have no children He quoted his body type as athletic, yet he was severely overweight. He is not a bad person, just misrepresented. The key to compatibility is being real, instead of pretending. This may not guarantee huge interest, but if you are serious about quality, not quantity, a true profile will attract someone who is also truthful.

DIG DEEPER in your email exchange. Ask questions about their lives, values, hobbies and interests. Rephrase questions in subsequent e-mails and compare answers. Go back to their profile and look for discrepancies. To verify age, ask when they graduated. To find out if they really like hiking, ask where they hike. They could be hiking in the National Geographic only. Check employment, what do they do during a workday? Do they enjoy their work? The only thing you risk by asking is that your new friend will drop "out of the loop." That may be a good thing.

BRING UP ISSUES that are important. If family means a lot, talk about it. If you love traveling, raise this topic. It may be politics or social issues. Start talking about it. If a healthy lifestyle is important address it. No point in involving yourself with someone who has no interest in that. Whatever your values or interests are, use the e-mail exchange to clarify. Read between the lines. This practice will help you to determine compatibility early in the game. Shared values are important for long-term commitment. Don't make the mistake so many singles make. They use the e-mail exchange to impress each other and end up with little real information.

REMEMBER why you are seeking someone. If you want to increase your circle of friends, by all means have fun. But if you are searching for love, dig deeper. Talk about what matters. Ask the questions that are important. Don't let the sheer number of singles distract you from the character you really seek. Keep in mind; most singles are vulnerable with a desire to be loved just like you. Be smart, trust your gut instinct and cut to the chase!

Allie Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are You Fit To Love? Her book has received the honorable mention at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters. To order her book or take the Fit 2 Love! Test visit her website http://www.fit2love.com. For Free Relationship/Dating Advice e-mail: askallie@fit2love.com

Using Quartz Crystals and the Law of Attraction

September 24, 2011 | Shakti Carola Navran

Manifestation happens in 3 steps. These steps, expressed in various ways, are used in many commercially available coaching systems and other programs for self-improvement, wealth, and success:

o STEP 1: Your desire takes shape in your intentions, dreams, and specific goals.
o STEP 2: The universe hears your call and holds your desire for you in a field of potentiality.
o STEP 3: You align inwardly with a higher frequency that allows the desired manifestation into your life.

In this article we will take a closer look at these steps, and then I will teach you how to use quartz crystals to enhance the manifestation process.

Putting the 3 Manifestation Steps into Action

STEP 1: Specify what it is that you want. We have so many desires and wishes that we constantly send out, but they need to be shaped in a specific way; otherwise they are random and lack focused energy. Receiving fulfillment of your desires is like doing a google search: in order to receive the exact returns that you want, you need to make your request very clear and specific. If you do a google search for "house" you will get 1.3 billion hits! That's far too vague. If you search for "house, 2 stories, Maui, green, under $500,000" you will get far fewer hits as you narrow in on your goal. The thoughts and requests that you send out to the universe need to be extremely focused and specific. Visualize your exact desired outcome, the purpose it is to serve, its exact qualities, and when you will achieve it. In your mind, strongly see the end result of achieving your goal, perhaps even better than you can imagine it now!

STEP 2: Trust that the universe has heard your request. The second step happens without your conscious awareness, so you don't need to concern yourself with it. Be assured that the universe will do its part to receive and hold as possibilities your stated intentions.

STEP 3: Align with a higher frequency. The third step is the work you have to do to achieve what you want. To repeat, whatever you focus on you will attract into your life. If you focus on a problem that is very vexing to you, this is what you are aligning yourself with-with the negative energies of the problem, not with the thing you want instead of the problem.

Inevitably, problems do give us bad feelings. If you choose to focus on those bad feelings, you are giving them more energy. Fortunately, you can consciously choose to shift your attention to the solution, or to what you want to bring into your life instead of the problem. If you do this you will immediately notice that your inner state shifts to more positive feelings. This opens your mind to a flow of ideas and solutions. You will quickly feel you are mastering the problem rather than being dis-empowered by it.

So it's vital to make a practice of continually monitoring your inner state and readjusting your thoughts and feelings so that they are ALIGNED WITH your intentions, rather than in opposition to them. Negative thoughts oppose and negate your true desires. Positive thoughts and feelings energize your true desires. If you adopt this monitoring and adjusting habit, immediately substituting positive thoughts for negative, you will find yourself feeling good most of the time and able to move beyond all obstacles with resilience.

Using Crystals for Alignment
In addition to their great beauty, crystals have metaphysical qualities that you can use in many fabulous ways to enhance your life. The most enticing of these qualities is the ability of crystals to store information for you and serve as a focal point for your intentions and prayers.

A crystal is like a computer chip in which you can store information. And in fact a computer chip is made out of silicon, the basic ingredient of quartz crystals.

Crystals can help you with Step 3 of aligning yourself consciously with your desires and dreams by raising your energy frequency, aligning you with the flow toward your goals, and helping you to anchor yourself is a positive inner state.

The Physical Qualities of Quartz Crystal
Quartz is the most common of all crystals, found all over the world. It is composed of silicon dioxide, which is one of the most plentiful compounds of our Earth's crust.

It forms six-sided crystals growing from a milky base toward a clear tip. It commonly grows in cluster and is often found in combination with other minerals as well.

The Metaphysical Properties and Uses of Quartz Crystals
Crystal quartz is very clear and translucent in its appearance and therefore it is the manifestation of light and clarity in the material realm. It symbolizes our striving for perfection in our inner growth and raising our consciousness toward higher levels.

Astrologically crystal quartz represents the properties of the Sun (light) and Saturn (crystallization). It is the perfect stone to show you the way toward the life-affirming light, lifting you up into a more positive inner state, calming your mind, and helping you focus on what is important to you.

Quartz crystals can be used in these specific ways:

o Used in meditation, a quartz crystal will help you to soothe your mind and relax. The perfect structure and alignment of the crystal has the unique ability to deepen your meditation.
o You can use a quartz crystal to store your prayers, mental images, and feelings and enhance your alignment with your visions.
o A quartz crystal placed in front of your computer monitor and on the hard drive will help protect you against electro smog.

How to Clean and Empty the Crystal of Old Vibrations
Before you can properly use a crystal, it needs to be purified to remove any old vibrations that it has picked up on its way to you. Those would interfere with your positive exchange of energy with the crystal. You want the crystal to be clean and empty for your own purposes.

You can create a cleansing ritual with the help of the four elements: earth, fire, water and air. I prefer the following method, which uses air:

1. You sit with your crystal in your hand and let your mind go quiet, breathing in and out.
2. Hold your other hand over the crystal and feel the energy field between your hands.
3. Exhale sharply and visualize blowing the old residual energy traces out of the crystal.

How to Program a Crystal with Your Intention
Before using your crystal, you will have created a sharp picture in your mind of your goal and your intention, as described above. It is best to use a different crystal for each of your goals, so the crystal will fire up that specific vision each time you hold it.

The crystal needs to be programmed with your intention or goal. Here's how to do this:

1. Hold the crystal in both hands as above. Become aware of the energy field of the crystal between your two hands.
2. Focus intently on your vision, intent, or goal. Imagine in it powerful clarity, as if you really were experiencing the goal as already accomplished. Feel the strong emotions of success and fulfillment associated with your goal.
3. Release the image of your goal with a sharp breath out.

Now you have stored that thought form and those emotions in the crystal. This will strengthen your field of expectation, keeping you tuned into the universe and calling the thing that you want toward you. In programming your vision you have also planted an anchor in your energy field that will keep your unconscious mind tuned to your vision.

Finally, sit down occasionally, holding your crystal, and imagine again how good it will feel when you have reached your goal. Immerse yourself in those feelings. This is what I call "firing up" your vision periodically. This will raise your frequency in alignment with your goal and allow it to flow toward you.

According to the Law of Attraction, in order to allow the fulfillment of your desires to flow to you, you need to be open, receptive, and on the right frequency. Crystals are a powerful mechanism for supporting the process of manifestation by helping you to raise your frequency and stay tuned into your desire.

Have fun with the process and enjoy the endless manifestations of beautiful crystals in your life. If you would like to find out more about the metaphysical properties of gemstones, please look at my book Jewelry and Gems for Self-Discovery: Choosing Gemstones that Delight the Eye & Strengthen the Mind.

Shakti Carola Navran is originally from Germany, living in Maui, Hawaii, is a professional jeweler, astrologer and author with a lifelong spiritual journey; she has been crafting personalized Soul Jewelry since 1977.

In her book Jewelry and Gems for Self-Discovery: Choosing Gemstones that Delight the Eyes & Strengthen the Soul she teaches you about how to read your personal horoscope and blue print for your life. Then you will be able to balance yourself in your most important areas with your 12 main healing gemstones, you could call your true birthstones.

Jewelry and Gems for Self-Discovery is a treasure chest of ideas on how to select, purchase, and wear jewelry that will enhance your body, heart, mind, and soul. Find out more about it on her website http://www.jewelryandgemsforselfdiscovery.com/blog/ and see her astrological weather report at http://www.jewelryandgemsforselfdiscovery.com/blog/.

Personality Type - A Powerful Tool for Improving Your Relationship

September 20, 2011 | Molly Owens

David and Julie have been married for five years. Most of the time, their marriage works. David tends to be the forward-thinking partner; he's always looking at some new investment for the couple or dreaming up a home improvement project. Julie prefers to take care of the details. She's the one to pay the bills on time and make sure that the couple is prepared to take on all those projects that David dreams up. They make a good team, but sometimes Julie gets annoyed with David having his "head in the clouds" all the time. David, on the other hand, feels like sometimes Julie is just too involved with mundane details, and can't see the "big picture."

How can we explain this couple's differences? There is a simple answer: personality type. Julie is a more concrete type; David is more abstract. According to the system of Myers-Briggs Personality Type, which is one of the most well-known and widely used personality theories in the world, Julie is a Sensor, while David is an Intuitive. Julie trusts what she can see; David trusts ideas. This is only one aspect of personality, however. There are four scales in total.

Extroverted/Introverted-Do you get your energy from being around other people, or from being alone?

Sensing/Intuitive-Do you see what's real, or what's possible?

Thinking/Feeling-Do you make decisions based on logic, or feelings and values?

Judging/Perceiving-Do you like to plan and schedule, or keep your options open?

The four scales are combined to make sixteen total personality types. Each person's Type is described using a four-letter abbreviation; ISTJ, for example, or ENFP. The most common combinations for couples are a match for 2 out of the four scales; for instance, an ESTJ might be married to an ESFP. This means that most couples have a significant common ground in the way they think and make decisions. It also means that most couples have significant differences.

To find out your personality type, and that of your partner, the most accurate way is for you both to take the official Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. This is an approximately 45-minute test that has been extensively researched and validated. Your results will tell you your four-letter type and those of your partner, and allow you to compare your similarities and differences. Recently the MBTI has become available in an online format which provides same-day results-so you and your partner can make a weekend project of studying your personality types.

Once you have figured out your Type and your partner's, you're ready to take a look at how they interact. Here's a look at how differences can play out in a relationship:

Introverted partner with Extroverted partner: Often, an Extrovert can draw out an Introvert and introduce them to social events they wouldn't normally gravitate to. Similarly, an Introvert can help an Extrovert become more focused and self-reliant. Friction arises when an Extrovert wants more social interaction than their Introvert partner. The Extrovert may need to learn to be okay with attending gatherings alone.

Sensing with Intuitive: As we saw in the example of David and Julie, this couple has fundamental differences in the way they think and place importance on different aspects of life. It's important to focus here on the way these two qualities complement each other in a relationship; both aspects of this scale are needed for an effective team.

Thinking with Feeling: This is the only scale with a gender difference-which means that women are more likely to be Feeling types while men are more likely to be Thinking. Having a balance on this scale can work well if each partner remembers that the other has something important to contribute. In every decision made together, both the logic of the situation and the values and feelings of all involved should be considered. Each partner should keep in mind that no decision should be made with only the head, or only the heart.

Judging with Perceiving: This difference most often shows itself in a simple exclamation: "Why is he (or she) always late!?" A Judging partner will sometimes see a Perceiving partner as flighty or unreliable; while the Perceiver may get frustrated that the Judger can't seem to be spontaneous. Again, the value comes in appreciating the difference. A more spontaneous partner can help a Judger to remember that not everything has to be planned and decided in advance, and a Perceiver can use a reminder that sometimes things do just go more smoothly when there is a plan or schedule.

If you're coupled with someone who has a different personality type than you do, remember, most successful couples do have significant differences. In fact, ten percent of couples have none of the scales in common. The key lies in understanding your differences, and remembering that your partner's different viewpoint is an important contribution to your success as a couple.

Molly Owens holds a B.A in Psychology and has completed graduate work in counseling and psychological assessment. After working in education, mental health, and corporate management, she founded PersonalityDesk.com to provide Myers Briggs personality tests and career tests online.

Compatibility and Personality Type - Do Opposites Really Attract?

September 6, 2011 | Molly Owens

Extraversion/Introversion: This scale refers to where you focus attention and get your energy. Extraverts are focused on the external world and other people, and are energized by external stimulation and interaction with others. Introverts are more focused on their internal world, thoughts, ideas, and feelings, and get energy from spending time in solitary activity or quiet reflection.

Sensing/Intuition: This scale refers to how you prefer to take in information. Sensors gather information in a very concrete, detail-oriented, and factual way. They tend to be practical and oriented to the present moment. Intuitives tend to be more abstract in their perceptions, and tend to think more about meaning, connections, and possibilities. Intuitives are often more imaginative than realistic.

Thinking/Feeling: This scale refers to how you prefer to make decisions. Thinkers prefer decisions that are based on facts or data, and like to reason things out logically. Feelers prefer decisions that are consistent with their values and help to build harmonious relationships.

Judging/Perceiving: This scale refers to how you prefer to organize your life. Judgers tend to prefer structure, schedules, and plans. They like clear expectations and feel accomplishment from completing tasks. Perceivers prefer an open-ended, spontaneous and flexible existence. They enjoy feeling that their options are open and that there are many possibilities available.

When researchers have analyzed couples' satisfaction, the factors most associated with happy couples were those that we've heard all along: good communication, common values and interests, and the ability to work out disagreements calmly and openly. But when researchers Barbara Barron-Tieger and Paul Tieger studied the Myers-Briggs personality type of several hundred couples, they found that the more type preferences a couple had in common, the more satisfied they were with their communication. While opposites may attract, it seems to be easier to maintain a relationship with someone who is similar to yourself.

However, this does not mean that you must find your exact type in order to build a good relationship. In fact, the most common pairing is between two people with just two type preferences in common (for instance, ISTP with ESTJ). Researchers have also found that some type preferences are more important than others when determining compatibility, and that some types are especially likely to clash.

In a 1981 study, researcher Ruth Sherman found that differences on the Extraversion/Introversion scale caused the most conflict in long-term relationships. In particular, combinations of Extraverted women with Introverted men caused frustration, perhaps because this dynamic goes against our traditional concept of the man being the more expressive and dominant partner. However, this effect was found in a study that is over 20 years old. As we become more progressive in our relationships and more open to equality, differences in this preference area may become less important.

The Sensing/Intuition scale seems to play a key role in attraction. Studies by Isabel Briggs Myers and others have found that people tend to be drawn to partners who share their preference on this scale. When couples have a Sensing or Intuitive preference in common, they will tend to view the world in a fundamentally similar way. Couples with the same preference on this scale may find it easier to understand each other, and are more likely to feel they are speaking the same language.

While similarity on the Sensing/Intuition scale may determine attraction, long-term compatibility appears to be much more complicated. The last three scales-S/N, T/F, and J/P-play a complex role in determining compatibility. These scales have a fundamental effect on the way we communicate and prioritize our lives, and so have the potential to cause misunderstandings, miscommunication, and opposing goals in relationships where preference differences exist.

When researchers Tieger and Barron-Tieger examined couples on the S/N, T/F, and J/P scales, they found that, in general, more similar couples experienced a higher rate of satisfaction with their partner. However, there were some combinations that worked well despite having fewer preferences in common, and some pairings of similar partners that weren't quite so successful. Some examples:

Sensing Judgers (ESTJ, ESFJ, ISTJ, ISFJ) have a satisfaction rate of 79% when paired with other Sensing Judgers. These types tend to be traditionalists who value and honor their commitments.

Intuitive Feelers (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ) have a satisfaction rate of 73% when paired with each other. Intuitive Feelers tend to place a high value on relationships and are the most likely of all the types to devote themselves to healthy relationships and open communication.

Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving types (INFP and ENFP) had a satisfaction rate of only 42% when they were paired with Sensing, Thinking, Judging types (ESTJ and ISTJ), although this was one of the more common pairings among the couples studied. The NFP partner is likely to feel that their partner is conservative and stifling, while the STJ partner may find their partner unpredictable and unreliable.

When partners have a Feeling preference in common, this can compensate for differences in other areas, perhaps due to Feelers' inclination to spend more time and energy on their relationships in general. Specifically, Sensing, Feeling Judgers (ESFJ and ISFJ) reported an 86% satisfaction rate when paired with Intuitive, Feeling Perceivers (ENFP and INFP). They had a 67% satisfaction rate when coupled with Intuitive, Feeling Judgers (ENFJ and INFJ).

In some cases, having similar type preferences did not mean higher satisfaction. Sensing, Thinking and Perceiving types (ISTP and ESTP) had only a 33% satisfaction rate when paired with other STPs. The researchers theorized that this is due to their findings that ESTPs and ISTPs are the least concerned of all the types with the quality of their relationships.

Similarly, Intuitive Thinking types (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ) have only a 59% satisfaction rate when paired with another Intuitive Thinker. These types tend to be among the most critical of their partners and may be harder to please in general.

Additional research, led by Nancy Marioles, PhD. at St. Mary's University, provides important data on marriage patterns among the types.

Some types are more likely to marry a person of their exact same type; this includes male INFPs, INFJs and INTPs and female ENFJs and INFJs.

There are two combinations where opposites seem to attract: ESTJ men with INFP women, and ESTP men with INFJ women. However, this may be due in part to the fact that these two types of men are also the most likely to be married multiple times.

Some types showed greater partner dissatisfaction in general. Women married to INTP men had the highest level of dissatisfaction, at 31%. INTP is one of the least common types in the population, and INTPs may find it especially important to find a like-minded partner.

We can see that overall, couples find more satisfaction when paired with a similar partner. However, researchers stress that in all of their findings, communication, common interests, and the quality of the couple's friendship were the most crucial factors in determining relationship success. While it may be easier to achieve these goals with a partner who is similar to you, it is absolutely possible even when significant differences exist. When couples make an effort to understand and appreciate their differences, they can turn what might be a problem or source of conflict into an asset for their partnership.

Couples with personality differences who find ways to support and understand each other often find their relationships especially rewarding. Partners with type differences are able to stimulate and challenge each other, and will learn from each other in a way that similar partners cannot. They can also make more effective teams because they are able to notice and compensate for each other's blind spots. Recognizing how your partner is thinking and appreciating the value of his or her perspective, whether or not it agrees with yours, is crucial to a successful relationship.

While compatibility research can be interesting and informative, it is important to remember that every relationship is individual, and every couple can learn better communication skills. When it comes to relationship satisfaction, the big three factors-communication, trust, and respect-can be achieved by any type combination.

Determine your personality type here.

Molly Owens holds a B.A in Psychology and has completed graduate work in counseling and psychological assessment. After working in education, mental health, and corporate management, she founded PersonalityDesk to provide the Myers Briggs Type Indicator test online.